Coming Soon

Wednesday 18 July 2012

Kharisma's Birthday Blog Hop - and why I'm ruined for toys

Happy birthday Kharisma Rayne and welcome to her Birthday Blog Hop!

I'm giving away one eBook copy of "The Hand He Dealt" to a lucky winner who leaves a comment on today's post (and your email please)!


Every few days I get emails from various sex toy websites giving details of their new sale. Often it’s money off, but sometimes it’s new stuff, which is always a good thing – except for something I’ve recently discovered.

I’m ruined for toys.

For over a year I haven’t seen a damn thing that seems new to me. Vibrators that wave, throb, thrust or, well, vibrate, with rabbit ears and rotating beads and seven different speeds… I’ve seen them all. G-spot vibes that you can rock onto? Yup, been there. Licky tongue things? Yes, even the one that runs like a water wheel. And I’ve no desire to hide a vibrator in my handbag, even if it is very quiet and shaped like a lipstick.

And, to be honest, I find myself complaining about the ones I own. This one has a good action on the shaft but the bunny ears are crap. This one has good ears but the shaft sounds like a pneumatic drill. That one makes me feel like I’ve given birth after it’s been going five minutes.

Dildos? Uh-huh. Adding sparkly bits does not a new dildo make, in my view. Glass ones do nothing for me, sadly. Everywhere seems to be streamlining the designs without actually doing anything new. I really don’t care if something looks a bit curvier if it doesn’t do anything entertaining.

So I find myself moving on to things like love eggs, pumps and the For Him range in the hope of finding something interesting. I haven’t had much luck with For Him to be frank. I’m reliably informed that the Monkey Spanker would serve equally well as a cheap circumcision. And despite what we all hear about the wonder of the prostate, not every man gets off on having things stuck up his bottom.

I give up. I’m obviously so erotically experienced that I’m utterly jaded. I’ll just sit here and wait until someone invents something that can hit all the best spots and give me a foot massage at the same time. Now that’d be worth the money… if it was on sale.